Coming to terms...

Despite my best wishes, I am not being able to come back to my blog more often. The work is taking its toll, by draining not just my days’ energy quota but the acumen to perceive and respond to various stimulus. Stimulus that used to move me enough to write in the past.

But I shall try to come here as often as I can. Because this blog might just be the only thing that I’d have- to remember these days by- decades down the line. It is not that I have not had some random thoughts that’d be nice to put into words. But I do not have enough energy to drape it up in the best of the words and accompany it with befitting side-musings to grow the thought nugget into a bright crystal with shining facets. Like yesterday, I realized that more than any other reason, the reason I would like to go back into my past is to go to my kid self as he lay curled on the bed, hugging himself on one of the countless nights of ‘being with self’, to ruffle his hair and to assure him that things would turn out pretty fine. Not, maybe, better than his wild dreams, but not too bad either… maybe even exceeding the dreams in some ways. But at the same time, I find myself craving to have my hair ruffled today, and to be told that things will turn out fine.

I know that with the passage of time, I will not remember the exact circumstance I am writing this post. But I do not want to commit the prosaic details to cold hard words. These feelings are just too sacred to be penned down directly. I know they will form the core of what I will become in the future, just like the past has formed me.

That apart, some songs have been playing randomly in my head lately and the immediate reason I wanted to write today was to put in a beautiful 'Shahryar' couplet that has been playing in my head for the past few days. I might as well drop in time to time just to mention the lines that are playing in my head… for they are not far from a good sized chunk of my current thought process.

याद तेरी, कभी दस्तक - कभी सरगोशी से
रात के पिछले पहर रोज़ जगाती है हमें

Source: Of course this is from the beautiful ghazal 'Zindagi jab bhi teri bazm mein laati hai hamein...' from the movie Umrao Jaan. Both, Talat Aziz's voice and Khayyam's music have added as much soul to it as the words.